Chasing Your Dreams With Char Miller-King
Episode #93: Welcome to the She Builds Show! I’m your host, Stefanie Olson, and on this episode we interview Char Miller-King, who can be seen on Restoration Road on Magnolia Discovery Plus, season one, episode 10 and on NBC with the Harlem Globetrotters’ Play it Forward. In this captivating interview, Char shares her personal insights and valuable life lessons, discussing how pursuing her passion has brought fulfillment and happiness. Listeners will learn about the joys and challenges of a woodshop teacher’s life, the journey of self-discovery and creativity, and the significance of building a supportive family.
Join us as we unravel the story of Char Miller-King, an inspiring individual who proves that chasing your dreams can lead to a life filled with purpose, love, and the satisfaction of creating something beautiful with your own hands. So, grab your headphones and tune in to “Chasing Your Dreams With Char Miller-King.” You don’t want to miss this incredible journey of passion, family, and craftsmanship.
ABOUT CHAR MILLER-KING:
Char Miller-King is a passionate woodshop teacher, who has found her calling in the world of woodworking and craftsmanship. Her love for woodwork began during her undergrad when she needed a bed. Char turned a simple bed platform into an exquisite piece of furniture, with intricate details and expensive vibes. It was the best feeling in the world to know that she built something with her own hands, which she could enjoy every night. She slept on that bed for the next five years.
Char grew up in sunny California, where she would spend her days running on the sandy beaches and enjoying the laidback lifestyle. However, she eventually left and landed in Georgia. During college, she met an intelligent and sophisticated man, whom she decided to create a happily ever after with. They have since spawned four adorable children, with the youngest of the brood being twins. With her experiences as a woodworker and maker, Char brings a wealth of knowledge to her students. She has a keen eye for detail and enjoys teaching others how to develop their skills, so they too can create beautiful and functional pieces of furniture. When she’s not working, Char can be found enjoying time with her family.
CONNECT WITH CHAR:
• Website: https://www.thewoodenmaven.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/woodenmaven
WAYS TO CONNECT WITH STEFANIE…
• Website: https://shebuildshomes.com
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/shebuildsbetter
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shebuilds.homes
• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/shebuildsshow
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:
0:01 Welcome to the She Builds Show.
0:03 I’m your host, Stefanie Olson, a licensed general contractor who builds new construction, renovates and designs your vision today.
0:12 More than ever, we need raw, authentic women who are willing to rise above society’s norms, break those glass ceilings and encourage each other to boldly build the life we were meant to live.
0:24 So, honey, what are you building?
0:27 Ok.
0:28 Welcome to the show.
0:29 We have an incredible guest today, Char.
0:32 Do you go by Char Miller-King or just Char King?
0:35 How does it work?
0:36 Miller-King, Char Miller-King.
0:38 Awesome.
0:39 Well, welcome to the show, Char.
0:42 Thank you so much for having me.
0:43 I’m excited to share with your listeners and just talk shop.
0:48 That’s right.
0:48 Awesome.
0:49 Ok.
0:49 So tell the listeners what you know, kind of what you do.
0:55 Now, what I do now is such a loaded question.
1:01 When you are an entrepreneur, there are so many arms to what you do.
1:07 I’d like to just start with woodshop teacher, right?
1:13 But that means different things to different people.
1:15 All of you work in a school full time.
1:17 No, I get bored too easily to do one thing.
1:20 All the time.
1:22 So I teach at a maker space here in Atlanta.
1:25 I teach at my children’s school.
1:27 I work with different schools around the city.
1:29 I travel around the country, teaching at wood studios and big craft schools and on television and in magazines and I’ve just used woodshop teacher as a title.
1:41 And then we talk about all the different arms that that title has grown into.
1:45 Yes.
1:46 Isn’t it crazy being somebody who has ambition and dream and just being like, no, I can’t just settle with that.
1:52 I actually went to school to be a teacher and have my teaching credential.
1:57 It’s really cool that you’re able to, like, do that and all of your other things, like in my mind when I was, you know, 21 or whatever, I was like, I can’t just do this.
2:05 And so I, I quit, but I love teaching, like, I love it, I love Children and teaching and passing on knowledge and teaching them a skill and watching them figure themselves out.
2:17 Like that’s the essence of who I am.
2:19 And I think that like a lot of what I do is just kind of encompassed in that you obviously went to school to be a teacher, or did you get the woodshop job?
2:28 Tell me about that.
2:30 We’ll go over the, the short, abbreviated version of how I ended up here.
2:36 I, I think I’ve like, got it down.
2:38 It was like five minutes.
2:40 All right.
2:40 I’m going to time you.
2:41 Are you ready?
2:44 When I graduated from college, I could not afford furniture.
2:48 The bed I wanted at the time and I’m dating myself because it was $500.
2:52 And that’s not a lot now for a bed but for a broke, recent grad that’s everything couldn’t afford the bed, went back to the store five times, hoping it would be on sale.
3:03 Hoping someone would give me the bed this trip, I’m underneath the bed thinking, wait a minute, I can make this bed no skills, no power tools.
3:13 I lived in an apartment with my best friend.
3:15 There was no YouTube, Google was in its infancy.
3:19 Social media as we know it just did not exist.
3:22 So I borrowed a drill from my boss at the time, brought a $10 battery powered screwdriver and took a picture with my razor flip phone and sent it to my carpenter uncle and I said I need to build this deal.
3:34 What do I need?
3:35 Go to Home Depot?
3:36 Have them put the wood for these dimensions.
3:38 It took me three months to build this thing.
3:40 I slept on that bed for seven years.
3:42 So I moved in with my husband.
3:45 So you made the bed, figured it out.
3:47 That was my very first project.
3:49 Awesome years of crappy furniture making.
3:54 I had no idea what I was doing.
3:55 I didn’t care.
3:56 It stayed together when I got a good case of course, my family invested in me.
4:02 They believed in me.
4:03 They still have some of the first things I’ve ever made.
4:06 But I realized that I love making things and I spent every dollar that I had extra, which wasn’t a lot to buy wood and fasteners and inexpensive power tools.
4:19 And then I would get off work.
4:21 I would go in my garage, and I would build some and those are some of the best days.
4:26 I mean, you know, we talked about how hot it is in Georgia.
4:29 In the summertime, it’s just unbearable in the garage with no air.
4:35 So I’m building, building, building, just happy.
4:38 And I’m thinking in what world can I just do this all day?
4:43 I’m not great at it, but I enjoy it and I’d rather do this than sit behind a desk and push paper.
4:50 I love that question in what world can I do this all day?
4:57 I think a lot of people have that question for themselves, but then they don’t figure out how to actually do that.
5:04 They don’t.
5:05 And I believe that’s one of the things that I stand on is giving people hope and inspiration and knowing that you cannot look at social media and go, oh my gosh, your life must be so cool, and they must have so much money and they know all the things and all the people.
5:23 It’s like, yeah, but you have no idea what they’re struggling with behind social media or what it took to get them there.
5:33 Right.
5:34 I spent the next 10 or so years climbing the corporate ladder.
5:39 I worked for a nonprofit, mostly surrounding event related jobs.
5:44 I got my degree in public relations.
5:46 So I worked for convention centers doing their trade shows.
5:49 I think the largest trade show I did was like 90,000 people.
5:53 Then I went on to run my own facility for a university for their graduate programs.
5:59 And in my mind, at this point, like the voice is just getting louder and louder.
6:03 It’s like I was born to do, oh, you can reach shells.
6:08 I was born to build.
6:10 Oh my gosh.
6:11 And you’re sitting like behind the desk, you know, with the desk with my nail polish and my makeup and my dress and my heels and I’m, you know, I’m doing my job, I’m manager and I’m director, I’ve got a corner office on the top floor, a corner office that many of the men asked.
6:30 Why does she have this office?
6:32 But in the back of my mind, I’m just going over this conversation like one day I’m going to go home and I’m going to tell my husband that I don’t want to work anymore.
6:43 I just want to build stuff.
6:45 Right.
6:46 But the crazy part about it was, I was not great at building anything that is on myself, and I believe in myself.
6:57 So by this time I’m married, we have two kids, one in private school, one in daycare, we got a town house in the city.
7:03 We’ve got two cars.
7:04 I’ve got the American dream.
7:06 I’ve got this nice job.
7:07 My husband’s got a great job.
7:08 Everything is like, all right, like what else could you ask for?
7:12 Right?
7:13 Benefits.
7:14 The salary, everything is good.
7:17 But that voice in the back of my head was just so loud.
7:20 You know, I’m like trying not to get caught on the computer at work, like, how to build this.
7:25 And, you know, I’m just dreaming of like, these tools and mind you, there was no Instagram.
7:31 So I’m not comparing myself to anyone.
7:33 Right.
7:33 Yeah.
7:33 You’re just like, there’s nobody else for you to look at to see who’s doing it.
7:38Exactly.
7:40 I mean, I don’t necessarily have the time and resources to take class at a woodshop.
7:44 I didn’t know that it like to, existed where you can go for a week and learn anything I can do that I can leave my family for a week.
7:52 You know, the wife tells the husband, oh, I’m, I’m going to Indiana to take a woodworking class for a week.
7:58 What?
7:59 You know?
7:59 Yeah.
8:01 Good luck with the Children.
8:03 And I just said I just want to leave this job.
8:07 I don’t like following rules.
8:09 I don’t like asking people.
8:11 Can I take a day off or?
8:13 It just, I don’t know, just something about it just didn’t jive well, with me, I firmly believe that you will have the desires of your heart, but be very careful, very careful about what it is you want and how far you are willing to go to get it.
8:35 If you keep thinking about it, you keep speaking it, trust me, it will happen always mean in a positive way that it is true for, for negative things.
8:47 So here’s where it starts.
8:49 2014, my husband and I, you know, the, the conversation that most couples have.
8:56Ok.
8:57 Where are we going?
8:58 What’s the plan for the next week?
8:59 Right?
9:00 All right.
9:01 We want to move to a bigger house check.
9:04 We want to pay off some debt checks.
9:06 A big question.
9:08 Are we done having Children?
9:11 Yep.
9:11 Got our boy, got our girl.
9:14 We can handle this.
9:16 All right, take an agreement.
9:19 Everything is great.
9:22 Sign the contract.
9:25 You know what’s funny, Stefanie is I wrote this down and I made my husband sign it.
9:30 Why did I know that was what you did?
9:34 This was the beginning of 2014.
9:37 My daughter’s school closed.
9:39 Her school had been open for 65.
9:41 They said we’re closing.
9:43 Then she went to a parochial school.
9:45 The Lord is leading us in a different direction.
9:47 What?
9:49 So we had to find her a new school immediately.
9:51 Three months of stress, I didn’t know that applying to first grade was akin to applying to college school.
9:58 I think there were observations, there was letters of recommendation for the first grade.
10:03 Ok.
10:04 It was great.
10:05 All right.
10:06 So three months of stress that then we find our school, it’s a school that doesn’t even have a physical building yet.
10:14 So, we’re like, ok, we’re going to do it.
10:16 We’re going to, we’re going to try it out.
10:17 We’re going to send her to the new school.
10:21 Then go on vacation over the summer.
10:25 This was, I don’t know, nine years ago.
10:28 I have a small frame.
10:31 So, if I gained 5 pounds, you’ll see it.
10:33 I know I started gaining weight.
10:35 I don’t gain weight.
10:36 I know a lot of women are like, oh my God, I hate you don’t gain weight.
10:40 Well, you know, once you get in your forties, you start gaining weight.
10:42 So that was still a matter.
10:47 I’m like in bed, like, and I was pregnant and I, I told my husband he, of course, didn’t believe me.
10:56 He’s like, you can’t be pregnant.
10:58 I was like, here’s the truth.
11:01 Go to the doctor.
11:03 This was the day I’m catching a flight to California with his family.
11:07 My husband says, do you want me to go with you?
11:09 I said, no, start rodeo.
11:11 I’m a pro.
11:12 I got it.
11:12 You know, give us a few little pictures and we’re done.
11:15 So I told my midwife, I said, I have a flight to catch, just make sure it’s one day and she goes well, I hear too heartbeat and I said, oh, your machine is broken, heartbeat.
11:28 And I said, No, no, no, no, no, that’s not.
11:29 Right?
11:30 She’s like, hold on, I’ll be back.
11:31 She comes back with the director of Maternal fetal Medicine with a souped-up machine.
11:36 They hook me up to it.
11:38I say you’re having twins?
11:40 Oh, my gosh.
11:42 Oh, I laughed.
11:44 I cried and I laughed, and they asked me, are you ok?
11:48 I said no, there’s someone here with you driving home.
11:51 No, like it’s going to be ok.
11:53 And I’m just like, what the, yeah, what the heck, man.
11:58 So I’m now pregnant with twins.
12:01 Twins do not run in my family.
12:02 So it’s a shock on top of shock.
12:04 On top of shock.
12:05 Wow.
12:06 I don’t know about you, but I didn’t like being pregnant even though I love my Children more than anything.
12:10 And like I have, my daughter has best friends that are twins and they met when they were infants and that mother, she was tired for five years.
12:19 Like twins are so hard, tired, so tired, tired and they’re eight.
12:26 Yeah, I like you.
12:30 I didn’t like being pregnant.
12:32 I had hyper emesis and for those who don’t know what hyper emesis is.
12:36 It’s morning sickness, but multiplied by like 10, most women have morning sickness for three months.
12:43 I had it for nine months with all three pregnancies.
12:47 Oh, my gosh.
12:48 So, of course I’m carrying two Children.
12:51 Now I get sick.
12:53 66666 home nurse IV line had to take off of work.
12:58 I had an IV line in my arm.
13:01 I carry the pole around the house.
13:02 My husband would wake up in the middle of the night, change my IV bag.
13:06 I had a subcutaneous pump.
13:08 This is what they give and, and I’m telling you this in detail and it all makes sense in a minute, subcutaneous pump, which is what they give cancer patients to help regulate their nausea because they, they get nauseous from chemo.
13:22 So you wear this little pouch across your chest and it’s a little machine about the size of maybe a two cell phones together and it feeds you medication.
13:32 Medication is called regular feed.
13:33 You medication non-stop.
13:35 So that you can possibly keep something down to sustain the light that you are responsible for carrying.
13:40 You have to shower with it, you have to sleep with it.
13:43 You have to fight yourself in your stomach or in your leg with a small needle.
13:48 So I’m so sick.
13:50 My husband is trying to take care of me and our two Children.
13:54 He loses his job.
13:55 Oh my gosh, we’re just like, ok, I’m out of work because I’m taking time off.
14:00 My department is, you know, trying to hold itself together.
14:04 My cousin’s not working in January 2015, comes around time for the twins to make their grand interest into the world.
14:12 I went into labor in the middle of the night, and I got to the hospital at 3 a.m. and the twins were born at four.
14:24 Oh my God.
14:25 So because that happened so quickly, the anesthesiologist never made it to my room.
14:32 I’m so sorry.
14:33 I did not need that badge of honor.
14:37 No, I didn’t.
14:38 I, no, I am willing to hear me.
14:40 Ok, fine.
14:41 Whatever you do, you, but I, we give me the, we’re born in this century for a reason.
14:49 The twins come, they’re beautiful, they’re healthy and I’m just like I cannot believe I have four Children.
14:58 Like I am a mother of four humans that I am now responsible for.
15:04 And if you think you’re just like sharp, how did you possibly take any more?
15:10 So, my in-laws moved in from Florida to help us.
15:16 Guess there’s no way there’s laundry, there’s food, a breastfeeding twin.
15:21 Yeah.
15:22 Think I googled when I thought I was pregnant.
15:24 How do you physically?
15:26 Yeah, I know.
15:27 I would watch my friend do it and I’m like you would do like both of this.
15:31 I’m like, how do you?
15:32 I couldn’t even do one.
15:33 Well, right.
15:37 You give me like PTSD right now.
15:40 You’re so sweaty.
15:44 I backtracked for 10 seconds before he left my job.
15:48 The men at my job said, oh, you’re not coming back to work.
15:50 There’s no way you could do this job with four kids.
15:53 That was the 2015 shot, the 2020.
15:57 The crap out of him saying that.
16:00 So I went back to work just when I went back the air was so toxic.
16:07 They had brought somebody in to oversee things while I was gone.
16:12 They ended up giving that person the promotion.
16:15 They promised me the six-figure promotion that they promised.
16:18 Ok, remember I told you I have the corner office, this new person was now my boss and to me and said, I need you to move out of your office because you’re even bigger than mine.
16:27 Of course, I said, no, I stayed at work five months.
16:31 My mental health is everything.
16:33 I am a normal calm, you know, kind of goofy funny chill person.
16:4 Don’t get angry too much, pretty forgiving most of the time.
16:46 But I knew that my mental health was at state like I knew it.
16:50 And before anything happened, I went to my husband, I looked him in his face and I said, I’m leaving.
16:57 He said, how long do I have?
16:58 I think you have to, I quit my job.
17:01 I did not have a plan.
17:03 I did not have savings.
17:05 I didn’t know if I wanted another job.
17:07 What I would do where I would work where we gonna put the twins and they care nothing.
17:11 No plans stayed home with them for a year.
17:14 I’m like, I am not a stay at home.
17:18 So that’s an issue.
17:21 So after about a year, I went back out to the shop and started building and it was then that I realized everything that I just told you that happened in the year 2014 and the beginning of 26 was setting me up for what was to come?
17:38 I wanted to wake up, put on sweat, go outside, and make.
17:43 So, so when I realized that’s exactly what happened, I’m like, I have to go, come back to get.
17:52 But if I didn’t, I would not appreciate where I’m at now and I would not have this incredible story to tell.
18:01 I found Instagram, my little cousin said get on Instagram.
18:04 I felt that sounds stupid.
18:05 That sounds stupid.
18:07 I’m supposed to like them.
18:09 No.
18:10 Are you kidding me?
18:11She’s like, no, you should do Instagram do Instagram.
18:13 So I would send her my picture.
18:15 She would have the hashtag we would post oh you got things that people expect me to do or like I’m like whatever I’ll do.
18:24 But I’m glad I did.
18:25 You know why?
18:26 Because I found other women who were woodworkers, and I found this community of makers.
18:31 I found a maker space.
18:32 The maker space is a community place where you can go learn how to build tools.
18:37 So I went to the space.
18:38 They owned a soft stop, a cabinet size, soft $4000 machine.
18:43 So I’m at this Maker Space all the time, right?
18:46 I have the twins in their car seat.
18:49 I pop them down.
18:50 I asked somebody, can you watch the twins while I go and cut this people?
18:54 Like, so I’m at this maker space.
18:57 So much.
18:58 The manager says, hey, would you be interested in teaching Woodshop one on one class?
19:03 You know, it’s that self-doubt that us, especially women.
19:08 Oh, I’m not good enough.
19:09 I’m not enough.
19:10 I don’t know enough.
19:11 People won’t listen to me because I’m a woman.
19:13 Not, let’s not mention that I’m also black, right?
19:18 It’s that negative self-talk all the time.
19:23 I went ahead and taught the class the first night.
19:26 I thought the class I can’t put into words, the feeling of fulfillment that I felt that night.
19:34 Like when you realize the culmination of everything that you’ve ever wanted, desired, believed in hope for has been.
19:43 And I know that sounds so simple like, OK, you try to find people how to, how to use power tools.
19:49 Yeah, but that changes their life like, and I’ve been in that moment, I’ve been in that moment of, you know, because I do workshops and I, I mean, I just do them because I want other women to feel empowered.
20:00 And I think I, I taught them how to build like a planner box.
20:04 And my daughter was there, you know, she was maybe nine or something 10 at the time.
20:10 And she’s walking around helping the old, you know, like the women my age, how to use the nail gun and how to drill and you know, screws for the, for the planner box.
20:21 And I am like watching these girls, watching these women bring their daughters and just feel empowered to build something and to take the plans home and be like, I’m going to build another one.
20:34 I’m going to put two and I’m going to put, you know, I’m going to plant these beautiful things and put them in front of my house and I’m going to be proud of myself.
20:39 It’s so cool to watch.
20:41 So I know what that feels like personally, to watch other women gain knowledge of something that they never thought that they could do and confident.
20:51 Yeah.
20:53 And you’re, you’re like that so far.
20:56 You know, if you think about like, our parents’ generation, they didn’t have that.
21:00 No, they weren’t even allowed to take the book shop or our mothers.
21:04 They have to.
21:06 Exactly.
21:07 I just say, but I got to do wood shop.
21:11 I made some terrible dress that I went to, like, prom with, and while I was there, the straps fell off.
21:19 I was like, oh, my dress is falling off and I created it.
21:22 It was terrible.
21:23 I’m not, I’m not supposed to be a fashion designer.
21:25 That was for sure.
21:27 I will let us know which lane we’re supposed to be in.
21:29 Right.
21:29 Yes, that’s for sure.
21:31 Ok.
21:31 So tell me, you know, after you taught that class and having that feeling, I, I’m guessing your husband has a job now at this point in time in the 2015.
21:42 Ok.
21:42 And then you started Instagram, I’m guessing you started to gain traction because you have quite a few followers now.
21:49 And so where, where did it evolve?
21:52 Because now you have like a permanent position, teaching wood shop or is it just like all these classes and Instagram?
21:59 And you get to be a mom and an entrepreneur and work and make things and be completely new.
22:05 Is that what it is?
22:06 I make it a point to be everywhere because I rather reach as many people as I can for as long as I can.
22:18 And the iron is hot, still a little hot for black people to make it in this world.
22:24 I mean, like 2020 really is what unfortunately propelled me into like a new level, right?
22:33 With the death of George Floyd, this like community surrounded people of color and they’re like, oh, you know, what can we do?
22:41 How can we help companies rethink their marketing and their campaign strategy?
22:47 And that’s when things sort of took a turn for me when people realized they weren’t as diverse as they thought they were or having like one person of color does not make you diverse.
22:58 You know, there was a lot of de I diversity equity and inclusion training happening.
23:03 We did it at our maker space because at one point, I was the only person of color on our board of directors and they said, why is this?
23:11 I don’t want to be the token.
23:12 I don’t want to be the check box because I love something that is usually reserved for like older white men, you know, like real wood, like hand planes and, you know, getting into the minutia of woodworking and using really expensive tools.
23:31 Like that’s the lane that I want to be in.
23:33 But I feel like a white man when I’m talking to another old white man, but when he looks at me, he sees a young black girl.
23:40 Right.
23:41 Right.
23:41 And I get judged on that a lot and it sucks, and I don’t like it.
23:46 But you know what, God put something in me and he’s going to move every obstacle out of my way until I get to where I’m supposed to be.
23:57 Yeah.
23:57 Absolutely.
23:58 I love that.
23:59 And I love your passion and I love and I’m sure you’ve come up against a lot of, you know, hard and difficult things.
24:04 And I think that just like goes back to your statement of when you have a dream and you have that desire in your heart and you put forth the faith and the power and the strength and you know, the fortitude to get it, it’s not going to be easy.
24:19 And the fact that, you know, you haven’t quit and you’re continuing on is incredible.
24:25 I have two questions.
24:26 One, what’s the coolest thing you’ve ever made?
24:29 And two, what’s the, the neat thing that’s happened?
24:32 Because I, I’m guessing there’s a lot of life that was, lived between 2015 and now what’s the coolest thing, you know, moment or experience that you just couldn’t think was possible when you had that desire in your heart.
24:47 Best thing I’ve ever made was the bit, oh, the best thing that I built.
24:53 My favorite project was the bed.
24:56 Most people start with a bird house or cutting board, build a whole bed, a queen size bed at that.
25:05 That’s amazing.
25:06 So, I think one of the coolest experiences that I’ve ever had, this was maybe 22 years ago, I’ve had a lot, I’ve, I’ve had a lot, so I don’t want to discredit any of the opportunities or experiences that I’ve had.
25:21 But I live for experiences, and I live for the thrill of fame.
25:27 I got a call from Irwin Tool.
25:32 They’re in the same family as Black and Decker and they have this holiday National Trades Person Day and they said they chose two people of; I don’t know everybody in the country.
25:49 I guess that they wanted to represent their brand for National Trades Persons Day.
25:55 What that entailed was, you know, doing campaign posts about it about National Trades Persons Day.
26:03 What it means to be included and recognized.
26:06 And Irwin had a car that was racing in the Robo 400 in North Carolina.
26:14 So they said we want you to come and represent Irwin.
26:18 We’re going to take you on a tour of a racing facility where the car is made.
26:22 You get to meet the driver, go to the NASCAR Hall of Fame and you get to sit in the pit.
26:28 Wow, you have not been to a race until you have sat in the pit.
26:35 I think my husband would die and go to heaven and that was it.
26:38 He loves that just to, like, be so close to the action and how quickly they change the tires and fill the gas and the excitement and the intensity and just the level of detail that, I mean, they have huge screens in front of them.
26:53 We couldn’t even record what they were doing because they said you record it, put it on Instagram, somebody’s going to blow it up and they’re going to find out, you know, our method like what we use to help win race, right?
27:07 It’s a whole culture.
27:08 It’s a whole vibe and I, I just said I was just blown away that of all the people in the world that they could have selected that they called me and that I got this opportunity to do these things right.
27:24 Way better than that corner office that it took me a long time to make money doing what I’m doing.
27:32 But I’m much happier broke than I was ever rich.
27:38 I think that it says something about your character, and I think a lot of people stay in unhappy jobs where they’re financially stable and because of that very fact, and it’s like money can have a grip on you so tightly and I’ve been there.
27:58 I’ve been in both boats as well where it’s like making a lot of money and unhappy and not making a lot of money and happy and you know, the, the peace of mind and the, the health of who you are and that the example to your Children, that you get to be now and to be present with them.
28:18 Like I just think about it all the time.
28:21 Like, I don’t know how old your kids are now, but my daughter may I have a, a little, a son too and he’s so precious to me.
28:29 But like watching my, you know, she’s going to be 12 and if I would have stayed being in an accountant, she wouldn’t be who she is today.
28:38 You know what I mean?
28:38 Like, I don’t know how to describe it but like, she’s, I could cry about it.
28:41 She’s so sure of who she is and she does not care what anybody says about her or what.
28:49 Like there is, it is an unshakable recognition of who she is that she stands so firmly in it that I did not figure that out till I was 30 you know, and she’s 11 and I’m like, that has something to do with the hard decisions I made.
29:04 You know, it’s, that’s why, that’s why you’re doing this, you know, like, and, and like to see the fruition of that from my childhood and I not have any clue who I was and to sacrifice that constantly because of financial decisions or whatever.
29:20 I think it’s so cool to see you in the place that you are.
29:24 Sorry, love my kids so much.
29:27 No, I totally, I totally understand that.
29:30 And I totally, I totally get that.
29:32 We make all sorts of sacrifices for our kids because we want them to have options.
29:38 Right.
29:39 We don’t want them to be pigeonholed by what society tells them they’re supposed to be.
29:44 Because I just had that conversation today with one of my twins.
29:47 There’s a special on television, Miss America.
29:52 It’s like behind the Miss America.
29:55 And I’ve been watching it and one of the girls came up and I debated Tony because the topic was the year that they decided to do away with the bikini segment of the Miss America pageant.
30:06 And she said, you know what’s going on?
30:08 She came in the middle, she said, what’s going on.
30:10 And I said, well, you know, there are some people who wanted the swimsuit part of the pageant to, you know, to say it.
30:18 She goes, why is there a Miss America?
30:20 And I struggled with that.
30:21 And I said, so they’re saying that you can be the top person in America if you’re thin, if you’re beautiful, if you’re well, do you have all the right answers and you parade across the stage with a swimsuit and high heels for other people to judge you.
30:40 And I’m not knocking the women who do it or anybody that does a pageant.
30:44 But in my mind, I couldn’t push my girls to that because I, I’m a rebel with a cause.
30:52 And I told her; I said you do not have to conform to what society tells you.
30:58 If you, we just got back from Orlando yesterday, we had a water park.
31:03 We saw some of everything.
31:05 There were big people, there were small people, there were a lot of booty, there was a lock that said everyone there embraced who they were.
31:18 They let what they had hang out.
31:20 You know, some people, you know, I mean, there were different religious faiths, people who don’t believe in showing any, but we saw all of it.
31:27 There are people in mind somebody, I don’t know what language they were speaking, right?
31:34 And I said, you love your body for what it is.
31:39 I said those women made a choice, that’s what they want to do.
31:42 But they wanted to do away with this one seaport.
31:45 She said, yeah, I agree with that.
31:47 She said, I don’t feel comfortable walking around here again.
31:50 And you know; all the goods are hanging out.
31:53 And I said, well, do you know who you are?
31:55 You?
31:55 That does not make you beautiful.
31:57 Being skinny doesn’t make you beautiful, right?
32:00Constantly doing something.
32:01So other people will like you or be judged, it doesn’t make you happy.
32:05 And then the next episode of course, was about mental health, which I was gonna have to watch.
32:09 But they opened up with the Miss America that committed suicide.
32:13 Oh, gosh.
32:14 Yeah.
32:15 We don’t even put that right, that in her head at such a young age.
32:20 But I don’t like when people follow her out.
32:23 Yeah.
32:24 I always say that I’m like, I’m the fish that swims against, like, all, like, all, you know how salmon, like, they go to spawn and they’re like, I, I don’t know if you’ve ever taken like our, in our little community, we always go to the spawning salmon dam thing and there’s like 500 fish like crowded together in this small thing and they’re just all swimming upstream.
32:43 And I’m just like, whenever I’m like, picture myself, I’m like, I’m going the other way, you know, because like, literally they’re climbing up this thing to go get slaughtered and to take like for them to take their eggs out and they have no idea.
32:55 And I’m like, I always picture myself.
32:57 I’m like, I’m like the wacko that’s going the other direction.
33:00 Like, no, me too.
33:03 And I like, I joke around like, on social media, I’m like, I probably would have more followers if I follow trends.
33:09 But I hate being like everybody else.
33:12 Like, I don’t want to joke, I’m not OK with it.
33:14 I’m not OK with jumping on the bandwagon.
33:16 I don’t know why I’m trying.
33:18 I need to probably like, dig back into my childhood, and figure out unimpressed issues.
33:25 It’s ok.
33:26 I know.
33:26 I think we just made for big, huge stuff.
33:30 What did they say?
33:31 Like, white women seldom make history, you know, but it, the people that you hear about that are famous and re review it and everything.
33:40 They didn’t follow the traditional path of anything.
33:43 And I’m like, I get to make history.
33:46 Like the last show that I was on, this particular show has been on the air for 18 ft.
33:53 And from time to time they have a guest woodworker on not often, time to time 18 seasons, they’ve never had a black woman on.
34:04 It’s so cool.
34:06 You’re just, you have honestly, like my soul feels connected to you because I think we just both believe in the same things and like, you know, who you are is absolutely beautiful and your story is incredible.
34:18 And you know, the reason I do this podcast is not because I give a shit about making a dollar.
34:26 But it’s because I constantly need to be reminded of my why.
34:32 And I just want you to know like that you’ve done that for me today, you know, that like we work so hard and if we don’t connect with our community and understand that there’s other people out there like us, then we forget that in like the minutia of doing all the stuff that we have to do to run our businesses and to get everything out where we get piled down and we, we get bogged down and we want to quit and, and we want to give up.
35:00 That is why I do this because I don’t ever want to have a day where I would let somebody down that maybe you could have touched because of this conversation and because of who you are, you know, and even as more so it’s for other people, it’s also for me and I think it’s like, that’s, I want to know who’s out there and what they’re doing and, and how we can help each other and support each other and lift each other up and, and to let the young generation know that there are strong women out there and that you are capable and able of doing whatever you want.
35:32 And if you need help and support, like we are here.
35:36 Not all women, lots of people like to share information.
35:41 There’s no way that we got to where we are by ourselves.
35:45 No, we have the support of somebody on the day that we needed it.
35:49 Thanks.
35:50 It’s going to be ok, sir.
35:52 Like I’ve been there, we’re like, oh, my kids are stressed out.
35:56 I’m like, I got four.
35:57 What else you got?
35:59 Yeah, I’m like my kids still stay up till unholy hours of the night asking life’s greatest questions.
36:07 I’m like, please go to sleep.
36:11 I built I have a marriage to maintain a home to maintain, show up on social media, do all the things it’s a lot for all of us.
36:21 But I think the most important thing that I’ve learned is to give myself a break.
36:28 Right.
36:28 And that’s the hardest thing I think for a lot of us, for mothers, for why for makers for entrepreneurs is we feel like we have to be on all the time because if we turn off something is going to fall apart, then what it is that’s called life.
36:44 Yeah.
36:46 You’re going to drop the ball.
36:47 People are going to let you down.
36:49 It’s called light.
36:51 Yeah, but you got to tell yourself, ok, I fell off a horse.
36:55 I literally fell off.
36:57 My last video that I posted on social media.
37:00 I went to Rhode Island to work with a company to build a boat.
37:05 I don’t know how to swim.
37:07 I don’t really like water.
37:09 I like looking at it.
37:10 I like sitting on the beach but I’m landing in the water.
37:13 So I built this boat and each of the people on my team took turns racing the boat.
37:20 I got in the boat in the boat capsized.
37:23 My life jacket started to come off.
37:25 I thought I was in the ground.
37:27 Oh gosh.
37:28 And people have to come out and get me and I’m like, it was hard afterwards.
37:34 I was like, I need a minute like I really going to drown.
37:38 Right?
37:39 That’s not minor, right?
37:42 That’s not minor.
37:43 And then like, of course my team lost.
37:45 I let my team down.
37:46 We spent two days building a boat.
37:48 It capsized, and it broke.
37:50 Oh my gosh.
37:51 But you know what I said, these things happen literally and figuratively in life.
37:57 We let people down, things fall apart, things break.
38:00 You take the moment in.
38:02 You’re just like, ok, the moment passed, no one died.
38:05 I’m ok.
38:06 There was no money at stake for winning this competition except for bragging rights and you dust yourself off and you pick yourself up.
38:13 You’re like, ok, what’s the next thing I need to tackle?
38:16 Because I can’t live in the path, I can’t change anything about that.
38:19 I’m going to let you down.
38:21 I don’t know.
38:22 My, my team was, I was like, I’m sorry, guys, I’m so sorry.
38:25 They’re like, no, we’re glad you’re ok.
38:27 One person on the team didn’t get the, he was upset and I’m like, you can’t control other people’s emotions, right?
38:35 We as women sometimes feel like everything is our fault.
38:39 Yeah.
38:40 Control of how other people feel.
38:42 I just had that conversation.
38:44 I have a young girl that I have horses and I tend to like, it just draws young people in, and I just had that conversation with her.
38:53 She’s struggling with the relationship in her life.
38:56 And I, I’m like, when I was a kid, I was so affected by other people’s frustrations, and I just always thought it was my fault.
39:07 Like always like, oh my gosh, my mom’s upset.
39:10 Like, what did I do?
39:11 Like how do I fix it?
39:12 And I’m like, through a lot of therapy, I learned, like other people can have emotions and frustrations and behaviors and I can still be me and like, I can still be ok.
39:25 And I’m like, that is such a hard thing to learn for women that, like, if you’re upset, I can still be all right.
39:33 Like, and I don’t have to get all tangled up in it.
39:37 No, one of my favorite books is called the Four agreements, and it’s like four things that you need to live by to have like a great life.
39:45 One of the agreements is, don’t take anything.
39:48 Once you realize that people don’t do things because of you, they do them because of them, then you’re like, ok, I can’t control it.
39:55 I am not general manager of the universe aside from that, like I can and, and like you, it took me a long time to realize that, like, even we’ve been together for 21 years, right?
40:11 And saying, like you said, like, with your mom, like, when he would be upset that I would assume that it was something that I did, right?
40:19 Even though he wouldn’t say I’m like, you know what I do.
40:22 But it took me a while to realize he’s his own person.
40:25 Yeah.
40:26 And that when he gets frustrated or upset, he gets frustrated easier than I do.
40:31 Right.
40:32 I’m just like him.
40:33 Yeah.
40:33 All right.
40:34 Let me know when you want to talk.
40:37 But it took me a long time to do, you know, when you’re with somebody for a long time, you just look at their face and you know what?
40:42 They’re upset.
40:42 You’re like, oh, yeah, you know, give you your second.
40:45 But I stopped internalizing that and I told them, you know, I said, I, like, I’m actually ok in this moment and I’m sorry that you’re frustrated or upset, but there’s some things that I’m, I’m not going to take on, right.
40:59 But you work that out on your own.
41:01 It doesn’t mean that I love you that I don’t care but you’re your own person and I’m my own person.
41:08 So I totally get that.
41:10 And I hope that other people listening internalize that.
41:15 I know you can’t stop immediately if that’s something that is just who you are, but just know, think about all the thoughts that you’ve had in the last five minutes person who you think is angry with you or upset with you has had just as many thoughts and most of those thoughts have nothing to do with you.
41:32 They’re like, oh, my back hurts.
41:34 Somebody cut me off.
41:35 My boss is getting me or I don’t know how I’m going to pay the bill.
41:40 All those things scrolling in your head just kind of like overwhelm you or frustrates you and you snap at the person who walked in at the wrong time.
41:47 You know, and I tell my kids read the room.
41:50 I know my child, my child, I’m like, no, so sorry.
41:55 They’re like, no, no, no.
41:57 Like they sound smart.
41:59 They’ll slide a note under the door with the happy nervous spot.
42:05 I need like a; I need like a blind to be like because I can see it to my door.
42:12 I close the door.
42:13 I’m like I call, when I get off the call the house better be clean.
42:17 Sure you that it’s not clean.
42:18 So I’m going to spend the next hour.
42:20 Tell me to clean it.
42:21 They have one more week before they go back to school and then I will do normal programming.
42:27 I know Sharon, this has been such a blast and just so good to get to know you and I hope someday we get to make something together.
42:36 That would be bad.
42:38 You should come to a work bench conference.
42:40 Yeah.
42:41 You want to invite me to anything?
42:43 Shoot me an email.
42:44 I’d love to.
42:45 Yeah.
42:46 It’s mostly like content creators who are woodworkers but there’s metal workers, fabricators, people who work with leather lasers, 3d printers.
42:56 All of that.
42:57 Cool.
42:58 Like a three-day party.
42:59 It’s like high school prom meeting high school reunion, high school prom in a wood shop.
43:12 But it’s, it’s a lot of fun.
43:14 It happens here in Atlanta early spring their session.
43:19 You know, I’m being a better content creator.
43:21 They have some hands-on learning opportunity and chances to speak with sponsors about you know, paid campaigns or even just free products.
43:31 Well, that’s cool.
43:32 I didn’t even know they had stuff like that.
43:34 I know.
43:34 And when I found out about it, I was like, you need to tell me there’s like, three days where you could talk about woodworking.
43:41 I fall asleep.
43:42 And the good thing about it is it’s like the demographics are the same, you know, they have the conferences where it’s like older white men and then they have those where it’s like our generation, like we are, you know, getting together, we have like, we’re on the same kind of the same thing.
44:02 So I like all of them, by the way, not excluding some of my best friends or older right there.
44:08 I know me too.
44:09 Right.
44:11 Six.
44:12 Well, yeah, you love the love, the love of the business and the knowledge.
44:16 Like, how else do you learn it?
44:18 I’m really into wood turning.
44:21 And if there is ever anything that is definitely like non-black, it’s wood turning on a lake and I love turning.
44:29 So like all these guys that have been doing it for 50 60 years, we have like our most think about it.
44:35 That’s so cool.
44:36 It’s amazing.
44:37 I love it.
44:39 Well, awesome.
44:39 Ok.
44:40 Well, tell the audience where you people can find, you follow, you hire you all the things.
44:46 OK.
44:47 All the things.
44:48 So again, my name is Char Miller-King.
44:50 I live in Atlanta, Georgia.
44:52 I’m most active on Instagram.
44:54 My handle is Wooden Maven.
45:01 I am part of the illustrious maker space called the Cater makers.
45:05 So if you happen to be in the Atlantic area, drive by the Maker Space just for a tour or for a, you can catch me on any given show at any time.
45:14 Restoration Road on Magnolia Discovery +.
45:17 Season one episode 10 Catch Me on NBC Harlem Globetrotters’ Play it Forward season.
45:25 I don’t know, one or two for building stuff.
45:28 I forget which one, but it’s the Emmy Nominated show.
45:31 A couple of commercials coming out soon.
45:33 You can catch those probably on TV or online and just follow me around the country.
45:40 Maybe we’ll end up in the same city and you can pop into one of my classes.
45:43 But in the meantime, make sure you hit me up on Instagram if you have any questions, comments or concerns or some days, I need a pat on the back too.
45:53 Drop me a line and say, ‘you’re doing ok’.
45:57 Char, you’re looking fine!
45:58 That’s awesome.
46:02 Thank you so much.
46:03 Such a pleasure to talk to you and get to know you.
46:05 I told you we will be friends by the end of it, sir.
46:09 Thank you for having me on.
46:11 I enjoy sharing part of my journey with you.
46:15 I hope that I’ve inspired your listeners to do something even if it’s not woodworking, but to get out of your comfort zone and try something new and know that things might be shaky at the beginning.
46:28 But we all go through those shaky moments and try not to compare your chapter one to someone else’s chapter 20 that you see on social media, that you think their life is perfect and everything is easy for them.
46:41 And really, I, I need to tell you this is somebody who has made money on social media and has friends who have hundreds of thousands of followers and has made money.
46:51 Lots of followers don’t always equal lots of money.
46:55 So don’t think that everybody is rich because they $1,000,000.
47:00 Ok.
47:01 Yeah, that’s good.
47:02 And best reality.
47:06 Yeah.
47:07 Check.
47:07 Reality.
47:07 Check.
47:08 Perfect.
47:08 Awesome.
47:09 Have an amazing day and go get those kids into shape and tell them to clean the house.
47:14 Yeah, I got a good deal with mine.
47:18 Every other part of life, right?
47:20 I gotta go do laundry.
47:23 All right.
47:24 Bye Hun.
47:26 Thanks for joining me today on the She Build show.
47:28 My name is Stefanie Olson.
47:30 My hope is that this episode leaves you feeling empowered and ready to boldly take that step into building the life that you envision one 2×4 at a time.
47:39 And if you can do me a quick favor, please leave me a five-star review on iTunes.
47:44 Get you over reading the reviews each week and I will choose one special person to win some She Builds swag.
47:50 Make sure you add your name to the review.
47:52 And I’ll reach out if you’re the winner.
47:53Thanks again for hanging out.
47:55Be sure to visit me at the shed show dot com where you can ask me questions and share with me what you’re building.