It’s Ok Not to Be Ok
Episode #95: Welcome to the She Builds Show! In a world that often encourages us to put on a brave face and soldier through our struggles, “It’s OK to Not Be OK” offers a refreshing and authentic perspective on dealing with trauma, grief, and the rollercoaster of emotions that accompany life’s toughest moments.
Hosted by the empathetic and insightful Stefanie Olson, this podcast provides a safe space for listeners to explore the complex journey of healing and self-discovery. “It’s OK to Not Be OK” explores the profound beauty in acknowledging our pain, seeking support, and finding solace in shared experiences while coping with life’s inevitable storms.
WAYS TO CONNECT WITH STEFANIE…
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EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:
0:01 Welcome to the She Builds Show.
0:03 I’m your host, Stefanie Olson, a licensed general contractor who builds new construction, renovates and designs your vision today.
0:12 More than ever, we need raw, authentic women who are willing to rise above society’s norms, break those glass ceilings and encourage each other to boldly build the life we were meant to live.
0:24 So, honey, what are you building?
0:27 Hey, everyone.
0:28 Welcome to the She Builds Show.
0:31 I want to talk to you today about not being OK.
0:36 I’ve been through a lot in the last I want to say four months, but deep in it in the last two weeks, my husband is from Hawaii and his family still lives on Oahu and on Maui, specifically in Lahaina.
0:58 And when we got married, our honeymoon was in Lahaina, and it was the first time I experienced the magical place of Lahaina.
1:09 And I met Uncle Bob who is the most incredible wise man I’ve ever met.
1:18 He opened a shop, he, he moved to Lahaina when he was like 15 years old and a whole like his story is just incredible.
1:27 And when I met him, I learned all about him and then I love to swim, and he loves to swim too.
1:34 And he took me swimming to one of his favorite places.
1:37 And literally, we saw turtles.
1:42 The, the next time I swam with them, I saw probably 30 or 40 dolphins.
1:47 And the next time I went, it was, you know, just incredible creatures.
1:53 A monk seal, just laying on the side of the beach.
1:56 He couldn’t swim for a while.
1:57 So then I would walk with them and he’s the most magical person I’ve ever met.
2:04 And like the sea life comes to him and every time I go with him in the water or anywhere, he just has his presence about him.
2:13 And he opened this shop called Whaler’s Locker on Front Street.
2:16 I don’t even know how many years ago, I mean, older than I’ve been alive longer than I’ve been alive.
2:23 It’s been there, and it’s been my husband and my dream to have a place there to retire there, to possibly even move our family there to want to live there.
2:36 It is our home.
2:38 And when my husband gets off the airplane in Kahului, I can just see him arrive at home like it’s this whole main breath of fresh air that he’s been waiting for.
2:55 It only comes when we get there.
2:57 And I don’t think I ever see him in any other place like that where he just feels at home, and he’s calm and he’s at peace and that got taken away a week or more ago when the Lahaina fire wiped out Lahaina.
3:19 We also had purchased our first home there.
3:24 It was our dream.
3:25 It was our hope, it was the hope for the future.
3:29 And we went, and we spent almost 2.5 weeks there this summer and we got to live and breathe and experience life there.
3:38 And it just ignited such an inspiration and both Ray and I, it brought us back to our center and we finally, we bought a place, and I remodeled it.
3:48 I don’t know if you guys remember, but I posted it maybe over a year ago about this little condo in Lahaina and we lost it.
3:56 We never even got to stay in it.
3:57 It rented kind of immediately and we didn’t get to, you know, the kids didn’t get to stay in it when we were there this summer.
4:05 You know, we knocked on the door and asked the renters if I could show the kids and show Ryan.
4:09 And so they got to see it, but they didn’t get to stay in it done and then it’s gone, and Bob’s shop is gone and Bob’s home and the 10 other properties that he has is gone and his, his life, our hope is in the ashes right now.
4:28 And I just wanted to talk to you about not being ok that we have this idealistic view in our culture and that everything is just always supposed to be ok.
4:44 We’re supposed to go out for dinner and drinks on Friday night and be ok and I’m not ok.
4:51 And I let my friends know that I had a panic attack last week and not really a sure thing you had to deal with that because we just generally don’t talk about not being ok.
5:04 And I got a message the other day on Instagram, this interior designer who I haven’t sent a message back yet because she was comparing my life to hers and stating that I’m somehow juggling it so well and that she hopes that she can get to that point someday, that somehow my life and the way that I am portraying it is showing you that I have it all together.
5:35 And I don’t see that’s the thing about social media and what we put out on the internet.
5:43 I want to be an inspiration, but I also want to live vulnerably, and I want to live authentically and showing you the ups and downs of life is part of it.
5:56 And I think the thing that I want to share with you was last weekend, our friends, they do this amazing ice cream party like homemade ice cream party at the beginning of school every year.
6:10 And I’ve never missed one and I, I literally couldn’t get off the couch.
6:14 I’d been to the doctor; the doctor spent a few minutes with me and gave me lots of medicine and I couldn’t make it to the party and instead I door dash an entire thing of crumble cookies.
6:29 I spent $50 on crumble cookies and I had them delivered to my home while I was by myself.
6:35 And I’ll tell you what the look on that door dash lady’s face and she looked at me and she knew like she could just peer into my soul.
6:44 I think she knew that I was alone, and I was going to eat all of those cookies and you know what?
6:49 You bet your ass I did.
6:51 I had a really rough week and a rough day, and I couldn’t sleep and then I had a panic attack and I’ve never had a panic attack in my whole life and I’m not ok.
7:04 Right?
7:05 Like I’m just, my body is telling me it’s too much stress, it’s too much overwhelm.
7:10 It’s too much emotion, it’s too much pressure and I, and not doing the laundry and not doing the dishes and I’m not cleaning the house and I haven’t made my kids breakfast or dinner.
7:24 Like, I don’t have it all together and I want you to know that it’s ok like it’s ok to be going through some stuff and give yourself a little grace and give yourself a little patience and give yourself some room to pour up and out the feelings that are just being harbored inside of you.
7:46 And I was just feeling like a failure to be frank like about eight years ago, I ended up at that doctor and I got, you know, basically given antidepressants and it was just like the worst of the worst of the worst time in my life.
8:04 And I will never forget what it was like to try to get off of that.
8:10 It took me a year.
8:11 My body was so sensitive and it was a struggle and when I went back to the doctor because I just knew like I was like, I got too much going on and I’m not going to, I’m either going to end up in the hospital or I go to the doctor and I went to the doctor and he prescribed me medicine again and I sat with it.
8:30 I was just struggling with it.
8:32 Like, am I back there?
8:34 Am I back at the freaking bottom?
8:37 Stefanie?
8:38 Like, how did you get here again?
8:39 And I was like, I don’t feel like I’m at the bottom.
8:41 I don’t feel like this is the place in my life.
8:45 I’ve just had some really tough stuff happen.
8:49 And so back eight years ago, I went, and I saw this, this lady who does Reiki and if you don’t know what Reiki is, Google it and then you’ll still be even more confused because I try to explain it to my daughter and that didn’t go over well, because Google doesn’t help with Reiki.
9:06 I think you just have to experience it anyway.
9:09 So I, I went to her, and I just poured out everything and she said to me, she goes, it doesn’t feel like the anxiety is deep within you.
9:17 It’s superficial, it’s circumstantial.
9:19 And I was like, oh, like, I don’t know why.
9:23 But those words eased me more than anything that like you’re not at the bottom again.
9:28 Honey, you’ve just been like, put in a dark room and we got to get out.
9:34 And those words of it’s not the core of who you are that needs to be rebuilt again.
9:43 It’s this moment, this season that you need to walk through.
9:48 I didn’t take the medicine and I just started committing to going to her and meditating every day because like, I know my body and I know my heart and I know my mind and I know how strong a foundation I’ve built for myself and who I am and with the people I surround myself with and my husband and the strength that he gives me when I’m, you know, unable to walk and my face, you know, when I’m weak, I know where to look for strength.
10:21 And I found the right way.
10:25 And what I want to tell you today is one, it’s ok to not be ok and two, it’s also ok to not stay stagnant.
10:37 Because what I know about myself is I innately just want to be like stuck.
10:44 Like I’m like, oh, I’ll eat the same things every single day.
10:48 I’d like to just have the same routine and sometimes that keeps me stuck like I would not like go out and talk to people or see humans.
10:58 If it worked for my husband, I could get stuck in the mud quickly, both mentally, physically, emotionally and I am not going to be a victim in this scenario.
11:12 I’m not going to let it take me to the bottom of the bottom because I’ve been there and I’ve my way out and I will not let a setback that’s pushed me down more than I’d like to go allow it to let me free fall to the bottom and not grab onto anything.
11:35 And so I also want to be an encouragement and an inspiration to you that it’s not time to set up camp in the sadness of whatever is going on.
11:48 Like I choose to not do that.
11:53 And for me, what that looks like is going to reiki, going to meditation, going, and journaling, praying, going to church, going to therapy, getting all the help and support.
12:05 I need to make sure that I will continue on and I will not sacrifice my relationship with my Children or my husband.
12:17 I will continue to be there for them and show up for them and show up for my business and for the people that work for me and for my clients because I’m just not going to stay put.
12:29 I might be sad, and I may not be ok, but I’m not going to set up my tent.
12:35 Like does that make sense?
12:36 I’m not just going to pitch a tent in the wallow and sadness of what’s going on.
12:42 I can sit there, and I can be sad, and I can experience, and I can feel all the feelings, but I’m going to get up and I’m not going to live there if that makes sense.
12:51 Is that? Do you understand?
12:53 I’m not going to live there.
12:54 I’m going to feel it and every time it comes up, I’m going to feel it again and I might need to sit there and stay a while, but I’m not going to start building my house there.
13:06 I’m not going to start sleeping there.
13:08 I’m not going to start staying there because that’s what’s gotten me in trouble in the past is, you know, pitch in that tent where I shouldn’t be living and staying somewhere where I know it’s time to move on and I know it’s time to get up and to get help and to find the path back to where I want to be.
13:33 And what I love about myself in this scenario was one, I was not afraid to go to the doctor.
13:41 Two.
13:42 I was not afraid to say no and three, I was not afraid to go seek other help because in the past, I probably just would have eaten cookies every day and just, I would have just been the victim.
13:59 And so I am proud of the fact that I was able to go you know what to do, you know how to do it.
14:05 Now, go do it make the appointment.
14:07 I don’t care how busy you are.
14:09 I don’t care that school just started.
14:10 I don’t care that you have 5 million things to do.
14:13 If you don’t take care of yourself.
14:15 No one will and you’re no good to anybody in that state.
14:20 And so please know Miss May from May Allen interior design.
14:27 I don’t have it all together and I’m not juggling it all so.
14:33 Well, please.
14:35 No, that it’s ok if you aren’t either, it’s ok that it’s messy and that it’s hard and that you don’t feel like you can do it all because honey, sometimes you just, and sometimes it’s just last night I had work to do and my son comes into my office and he goes, mama, it’s time to play with me.
15:02 And I was like, oh, yeah, what are we going to do?
15:04 He’s like, I have this cool game we could play on the trampoline, and we went out and it was like 7 p.m. beautiful night and rained all day.
15:13 And we played this silly game on the trampoline where we try to kick this ball at each other and tag each other with it.
15:20 And I laughed so hard, my guts hurt, and he comes in afterwards.
15:27 He goes mom and that was so fun playing with you.
15:30 I’m like, you aren’t right.
15:32 Let’s do it again.
15:33 He goes when I’m like, hello tomorrow.
15:36 And that’s what life is about is those moments and those times where you can put it all aside and be present for the people you love.
15:46 So in the midst of you’re not ok, just sit with it and be ok with not being ok and also fight for yourself and keep going and don’t stay stagnant and don’t stay stuck and be there, be present for the people that love you that need you, that need to see that when you’re because I want my kids to know and see that when I’m going through something, I can have feelings, I can be sad, but I can also persevere and I can also push through and I can also get help.
16:22 I can also try to explain to my kid what Reiki is or not understand and just let them know that you don’t have to be perfect.
16:33 Your life will not be perfect, and you will go through hard things.
16:36 And if I can be an example to going through something and then coming out the other side, I think that should show them the path to how to get through hard stuff in your life and to not get that.
16:53 All right girl, go out there slay it and be who you are and know that you’re allowed to extend grace and kindness to yourself.
17:03 And you should also extend grace and kindness to others.
17:07 Have a fantastic day.
17:09 Thanks for joining me today on the She Builds show.
17:12 My name is Stefanie Olson.
17:13 My hope is that this episode leaves you feeling empowered and ready to boldly take that step into building the life that you envision 12 by four at a time.
17:23 And if you can do me a quick favor, please leave me a five-star review on Apple Podcast.
17:27 I get giddy over reading the reviews each week and I will choose one special person to win some she builds swag.
17:34 Make sure you add your name to the review, and I’ll reach out if you’re the winner.
17:37 Thanks again for hanging out.
17:39 Be sure to visit me at theshebuildsshow.com where you can ask me questions and share with me what you’re building.