Staff Pick: Why is Saying No SO Hard?

Episode 53: Enjoy today’s staff pick of a past episode – Welcome to the She Builds Show, I’m your host, Stefanie Olson. Today I want to talk about saying NO and saying YES. Women, at least most of them I know, are sensitive, caring, kind, and want to please. We want to make everyone happy and serve, and most of us have a hard time saying no, setting boundaries and keeping a healthy balance in our life. When you are scared to say no to something that you know will break you, wear you out, exhaust you, and then you still say yes. Isn’t that crazy that we sacrifice ourselves for some perceived internal thought that we made up about someone else’s thinking, we don’t even know if those thoughts are true, and yet we make decisions around that thought, like their actual truth, actual fact. Why? Why do we do this? Why is saying no SO hard?

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•  Why is saying no so hard? I think that maybe it might have something to do with our lack of connection to ourselves, that maybe when we say yes, when we really mean No, it’s because we forgot what was a yes. And I know for us, we’re so used to ignoring the internal voice that we just automatically and habitually say yes, without any check-in, I’m terrible at this, it literally causes me physical pain to let someone down to disappoint them to know I didn’t exceed their expectation. It will keep me up at night. (02:38)

•   So here’s the tip if it’s not a hell yes. Then it’s a no. I use this in my business all the time, and I make sure I never say yes to a project without my entire team saying hell yes, this is like a safeguard for me. If we all can’t feel the excitement and it’s a no… Something better will come. To write something. It always does. Opportunity is everywhere. And what you seek is seeking you. If you want the best clients, the best projects in a healthy relationship with your work, say yes to only the things that are… Hell yes. Everything else is a no… One of my favorite quotes is from Warren Buffet, ‘The difference between successful people and really successful people, is that, really successful people say no to almost everything’. Good point, sir. For my personal life, I use my spouse is a protection, just like in my business, I kind of have to use my team as a protection because this is not my strongest muscle, I’m not good at it, so I have to have these extra layers of protection.  (03:38)

•  I think it’s important to choose what we do with our time, it’s such a finite resource, and I want to be intentional with every hour of my day. I want to be friends with people who breathe life into me, I want to serve this world, and I want to change it. I want to be world class, so girl, that means… No, might be appropriate. My business coach tells me, ‘Good is the Thief of Great’. I want to be world class, and I don’t want to settle for just good enough… Neither should you.  (05:46)

•  On the other side of this coin is saying Yes, taking action. Saying yes to things that maybe you really need to say yes to. My friend has a saying… ‘If it scares me, then say yes’. So if she’s terrified, she jumps in both feet. I love this model because so much of us coast through life, we don’t take the vacation, we don’t jump out of the airplane, we don’t trust our gut, we don’t buy the investment, we live in such a world of fear. And You know what? I’m done with fear. It’s taken a lot from me, it’s kept me quiet and small for far too long. Take action, say Hell yes to the things that you want to do, and then put the work in. Stay committed. Be a powerful force. I just know you’re going to change the world because you want to know why? You’re astonishing, nobody else has the gifts that you have, nobody else has the ideas, and the forethought and the wisdom that you have, to say YES to the things that you’ve been pushing aside. Say NO when it’s really a NO.  (06:20)


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