What Are Your Priorities?
Episode 86: Welcome to the She Builds Show, I’m your host, Stefanie Olson. On today’s episode I want to talk to you about your priorities. Does your daily decisions, actions, and choices, reflect your actual priorities? I want to share a little sneak peek on something that I am working on that will help you to pay attention and to be mindful of your priorities, as well as manage the way they are living out in your day to day life.
Ready? Listen in…
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EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:
0:01 Welcome to the She Builds Show.
0:03 I’m your host, Stefanie Olson, a licensed general contractor who builds new construction, renovates and designs your vision today.
0:12 More than ever, we need raw, authentic women who are willing to rise above society’s norms, break those glass ceilings and encourage each other to bold build the life we were meant to live.
0:24 So, honey, what are you building?
0:27 Welcome to the She Builds Show.
0:30 I’m so excited to be with you today.
0:32 I haven’t got to record just a podcast where I’m not interviewing anyone in quite some time.
0:37 We just had so many incredible guests.
0:38 So I’m just grateful to be here and to talk with you today.
0:43 What I want to talk with you is a topic that I think is really important or specifically women who are in a serious relationship, whether you’re married, dating, have a partner, spouse, significant other and you’re also a mother on top of that, you own your own business.
1:05 So it’s a pretty specific conversation that I want to have with you and it’s about your career versus your actual priorities and how sometimes our work can be extremely out of balance with our actual priorities and this is something I struggle with heavily, which is why I want to talk about it because I’m a very driven, work oriented person.
1:33 But I have so many other things in my life that are important to me, like my husband and my Children and my health and my home.
1:43 The goal for me for today is for me just to be able to impart on you some awareness of how you’re spending your time right now and how you actually want to spend it and how to implement those things that are actually important to you.
2:04 As I look back on my life, how this was brought about and how I realized that I was out of balance or just not doing this career versus my priorities very well was I had a friend and gosh, this was probably 67, eight years ago and we were in a Bible study.
2:24 We were in a group setting and I was in the middle of taxis and, and I was also running, you know, my flipping company and I was just literally exhausted.
2:34 My kids were little Trey was probably two.
2:37 Sonora was four, just like in the thick of it.
2:39 My husband was working crazy hours.
2:42 We had a lot of tension at home and I just remember sitting on the couch and she’s telling me she’s so excited to go back to work her diem which was she was a nurse.
2:56 So like a couple days a week and she just was so excited to get away from her kids and she was just so happy with her life with the balance of just like working a couple of days a week and being with the kids and you know, she was like training for a marriage thought and her health was incredible and you know, her and her husband are giggling and I literally just like, wanted to laser beam her with my eyes because I was like, I hate you.
3:19 I’m mad at you and like, really like what that stemmed from was jealousy.
3:24 I was so jealous of her balance.
3:27 I was so jealous that like she loved work, she loved her Children, she loved her husband and she looked damn good.
3:35 Like I was just like, screw you for having it all because I didn’t know how to do that.
3:40 I only knew how to be successful at work.
3:43 I didn’t know how to be successful with my health.
3:46 I didn’t know how to be successful with my marriage.
3:49 I didn’t know how to be successful as a mom and how to balance it all.
3:53 And I was like working two days a week.
3:56 Like that’s impossible for me.
3:58 I’m never ever going to get there.
3:59 And so I just remember holding so much anger and harboring so much hate and frustration towards her that like I pulled inward and I was like, you’re the worst person in the whole world when really like she was an example of what I wanted.
4:15 I just didn’t really know that.
4:16 So I think a really good sign for you is if some of those things may be out of balance, if you do find yourself being jealous, if you do find yourself envious of somebody else.
4:31 And so I’m going to ask you a couple questions and I want you to, you know, maybe get out a piece of paper or just kind of mentally note the answer to these questions because I think it’s important for you to have awareness of what your current life is right now.
4:47 So the first question is, how many hours do you work in a week?
4:52 Is it 30?
4:53 Is it 20?
4:54 Is it 60?
4:55 Is it 100?
4:57 How many hours do you work in a week?
4:59 And I want you to write that down.
5:01 And then the next question, how often are you getting exercise in a week?
5:07 Is it zero?
5:08 Is it one day?
5:09 Is it three days?
5:11 Is it five days?
5:12 How often are you getting exercise in a week?
5:15 Next question is how many times a year are you going on vacation?
5:20 Like how many weeks, how many days I want you to list?
5:23 How many days is it?
5:23 Seven days?
5:24 Is it five days?
5:25 Like if you could think about the last year, how many days have you actually then on vacation?
5:32 And when I say vacation, I don’t mean working, I mean, phone off.
5:38 Nobody contacting you.
5:40 No email.
5:41 I am out of office.
5:43 That is vacation and recharging.
5:46 That’s a difficult one, isn’t it?
5:48 Ok.
5:48 Next question, when was the last time you started and finished the work day?
5:55 Exactly when you wanted to.
5:57 And this really applies to women who own their own businesses because, you know, generally when we trade an employee type job, a 9 to 5, we trade it from the hours from 9 to 5 to now we work 5 to 9, right?
6:10 Like we just work all day long.
6:12 When was the last time you started and finished the work day?
6:17 Exactly when you wanted to.
6:19 Ok.
6:20 Next question, how do you feel your boundaries are when it comes to staying at work and being fully present with your family when you’re home?
6:31 I like to rate this question from a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the best.
6:36 Like I don’t pick up my phone, I don’t check my email when it’s time for me to be at home.
6:41 I’m home and one is, I’m horrible at this.
6:45 I have no boundaries.
6:46 Work creeps into everything.
6:49 Tough one, right?
6:50 This is just about like awareness even if you’re just thinking about them.
6:53 Like, oh, so next question, do you follow your calendar?
7:00 What I mean by this is really like our calendar as entrepreneurs, as business owners is how we dictate our time.
7:06 So one if you’re not using your calendar?
7:08 Oh, you need to.
7:09 But the deeper question here is, are you keeping the promises you set for yourself?
7:15 If it’s like hard stop work is over on my calendar?
7:20 Am I keeping that promise to myself or you know, I’m going to work out today from 7 to 8 AM.
7:27 Are you keeping that promise or are you lying to yourself constantly?
7:31 Are you constantly disappointing yourself?
7:33 Are you constantly not keeping the promises that you set for yourself?
7:39 Two last questions, do you have weekly intentional time with your spouse partner?
7:46 Significant other?
7:48 Is there time that you set aside for a minimum of an hour with the person you love?
7:55 Are you intentional with it?
7:57 And the last question is if you have kids that are over the age of like three and you think it’s appropriate, are you spending one on one intentional time with your Children?
8:11 And if you have multiple Children, I mean, one on one with each child, are you doing that?
8:16 Does it happen?
8:17 Are you doing dates with them?
8:18 You know, are you playing card game?
8:19 It doesn’t have to be anything giant or significant but are you giving them your full attention?
8:25 And are you letting them choose what they want to do and saying yes, those are the questions.
8:31 OK.
8:32 So the purpose of this is to get awareness around our priorities and how we actually live our life because I bet your priorities are that your spouse and your significant other is really the most important thing to you.
8:46 Your health and living long and feeling good in your body is actually something really, really important to you.
8:53 Your Children are so significant in your life, but does your day to day decisions and your actions and your choices and what you’re doing with your time, does it reflect your actual priorities?
9:08 So now what I want you to do is I want you to pull out a piece of paper and I want you to draw two circles that intersect.
9:15 So draw one big circle and then draw another circle where they intersect in the middle, right?
9:23 And then on the left circle, I want you to write personal on the top and on the right circle, I want you to write business.
9:30 What I want you to do right now is in the personal side after like feeling and vibing with those questions.
9:38 I want you to rate your personal life on a scale of 1 to 10 on how amazing you’re crushing it at your personal life.
9:47 So 10 is your crushing it one?
9:49 It couldn’t be worse.
9:51 OK?
9:51 Now, in your business life or work life, however, you want to categorize that bubble or that circle.
9:59 Same thing with business.
10:01 Oh my gosh.
10:02 I’m crushing it at business.
10:04 I just closed all these deals.
10:06 I just cash the biggest, baddest check.
10:09 I have everything in order.
10:12 I’m delegating.
10:13 I’m got all my systems, I’m crushing it.
10:16 That’s a 10.
10:17 1, it couldn’t be worse.
10:18 I’m losing all the money in the world.
10:20 I hate my life.
10:20 I hate my job.
10:22 Ok.
10:23 Now, what I want you to do is take those two numbers and I want you to multiply them.
10:29 So if your personal life is a three and your business life is a nine, then what I want you to do with those numbers is multiply them.
10:40 Personal life, three business nine, that means your score out of 100 is 27.
10:49 What this makes you realize is that you’re living your life right now at 27 out of 100.
10:57 You cannot have things out of balance and out of priority and you always have to multiply the numbers.
11:04 If you’re crushing it at your personal life and your business is a one, then you’re at 10 out of 100.
11:10 Do you feel me?
11:12 Our goal should be 70.
11:14 So like seven that you have a seven in each of these categories, seven out of 10 that you try to get to 70% on both your personal and your business.
11:24 We’re not trying to get a pluses and everything, but we’re trying to run at like a seven in both of our areas of our life, our personal and our business.
11:33 That should be kind of your goal.
11:34 And it should also be like a rude awakening.
11:36 If one of the areas in your life is really not getting the attention that it needs.
11:41 OK.
11:42 So finally, what I want to do is I’m going to ask you some more insightful questions.
11:47 And I’d like you to get another piece of paper if you can and write down the answers to these questions.
11:53 Because now that we have awareness that we know where our number is, where maybe we’re falling short a little bit, you know, you have the ability to awareness allows change, right?
12:04 So answer these questions.
12:06 Number one, if you could create your ideal work day, describe it in great detail.
12:13 What time will you wake up?
12:14 When will you check your email?
12:16 When will you work out?
12:18 When will you eat lunch?
12:19 When will you be done?
12:20 How will you feel describe in great detail what a perfect workday looks like and feels like and what time it starts?
12:28 How often are you on your phone?
12:30 What are you doing?
12:32 Ok.
12:32 Number two, second question is how many hours do you want to work in a week?
12:41 Be realistic?
12:43 How many hours do you want to work in a week?
12:45 Do you want to work 20 hours?
12:47 Do you want to work 40 hours?
12:49 Do you want to work 60 hours?
12:50 I don’t care what the answer is, but you need to be realistic.
12:54 If you are working 100 hours or 80 hours a week right now, then you need to be realistic in what you actually can get it down to.
13:01 And the second part of this question is I want you to answer, how many vacation days do you actually want to have in a year?
13:09 Do you want to take a month off total in a year?
13:12 Do you want to take a month off consecutive?
13:14 Do you wanna have 41 week vacations?
13:17 How many days per year do you want to have where you check out?
13:23 Relax and actually recharge third question, how many hours per month?
13:33 This is a per month question.
13:34 How many hours per month do you want to invest in yourself?
13:39 And you can either break this down by a week, but I like it per month because there’s a couple of other things in here.
13:43 So how many hours per month do you want to invest in yourself?
13:46 And don’t you love the way I phrase that invest in yourself?
13:49 That means how many hours do you want to work out?
13:52 Do you want to have a massage once a month?
13:55 Do you want to have a facial?
13:56 Do you want to go on a hike?
13:58 Do you want to meditate?
13:59 Do you want to read?
14:00 How do you want to take care of yourself?
14:02 And how many hours, what does that look like for you if you were to break out a month?
14:07 For me?
14:07 It’s like I want to work out five days a week, maybe six.
14:11 I want to have at least a massage twice a month.
14:14 I like to get a facial at least once a month.
14:17 I like to read every single day, like a minimum of 20 minutes.
14:22 So, add up how many hours that is for you in a month?
14:27 Ok.
14:27 Next question, how much time do you want to invest in a month with your significant other?
14:35 How much time do you want to invest?
14:37 Do you want to give them an hour of your time?
14:39 Do you want to give them 20 minutes?
14:41 Do you want to give them four hours?
14:42 Do you want to give them 10?
14:44 How many hours per month would be life changing if you and your significant other spent intentional time together?
14:52 Mine, for example is every Wednesday.
14:55 I have a sitter that comes 5 30.
14:58 It’s her job to check in with me and she says, yeah, am I coming today?
15:03 Yes, you are.
15:04 And even if my husband and I don’t have plans made up before it doesn’t matter.
15:09 The sitter is there, she kicks us out of the house and we figure it out in the car.
15:13 It doesn’t really matter, but we are spending that time together every single week.
15:17 Ok.
15:18 Now, with your kids, how much time do you want to invest one on one with your kids, either each week or each month?
15:27 And do you only want to spend an hour?
15:30 Doesn’t that sound horrible when you say I’ll invest an hour, a month of my time with my Children.
15:35 It’s like, wow, really?
15:38 No, I want to be intentional with them.
15:41 I want to teach them things.
15:42 I want to spend time with them.
15:44 So, how much time per month or per week do you want to spend investing into your Children?
15:50 And I think that really like applies if you have kids like over the age of three, if you have an infant and you’re breastfeeding and you’re with them all day long, you’re like somebody take this child from me.
16:01 OK?
16:01 So this message is to help you understand what it is that you are doing with your time and what your actual priorities are.
16:13 And this is a sneak peek into a course.
16:15 We’re going to be teaching, it’s called the Unlived Life and we are working on filming it right now and I actually have like an application of how to implement this into your life and into your actual calendar.
16:32 Stay tuned for the unlived life and the course that will be coming out probably, I don’t know when shortly.
16:40 So stay tuned for that.
16:42 And if you really want to dive deep into this topic and you want actual tools on how to make sure your priorities are reflective in your day to day living and your time, then follow us on Instagram and keep an eye out for our course that’s going to be coming out on how to teach us.
17:01 And this is just one of the topics that we’re going to be teaching.
17:04 And one of the things that you need to pay attention to so be mindful of your priorities and how they are living out in your day to day life.
17:16 I just wish you well and I hope that this is giving you some awareness about how you’re living and what should be most important in your life.
17:25 Thanks for joining me today on the She Builds Show.
17:28 My name is Stefanie Olson.
17:30 My hope is that this episode leaves you feeling empowered and ready to boldly take that step into building the life that you envision one 2×4 at a time.
17:39 And if you can do me a quick favor, please leave me a five star review on iTunes.
17:43 I get giddy over reading the reviews each week and I will choose one special person to win some She Builds swag.
17:50 Make sure you add your name to the review and I’ll reach out if you’re the winner.
17:53 Thanks again for hanging out.
17:55 Be sure to visit me at theSheBuildsshow.com or you can ask me questions and share with me what you’re building.